ICJudaism: A Teacher’s Guide to Judaism

      Hosted by ICTeachers                                                                Formerly: Mike’s Rough Guide to Judaism

Disclaimer:

The contents of these pages represent the author’s personal views, experience and understanding.
There are bound to be some things here that some Jews would disagree with.

 

Jewish Marriage

Marriage

On the Shabbat before his wedding, a bridegroom will be given an aliyah in the synagogue (called up to the Bimah to participate in the Torah reading). In a progressive community both the bride and the groom will be called up.  This prenuptial aliyah is called an Aufruf and will be followed (at the end of the service) by a special kiddush where he / she, or their families, will provide refreshments for the community.

It is traditional for a couple not to see each other for a week before their wedding and to fast on the day before the ceremony. Weddings cannot take place on Shabbat, nor on festivals or during the period of counting the omer (see the page about Shavuot in the Festivals section of this site). The most common day for a Jewish wedding in Britain is Sunday, since this is the easiest day for friends and family to attend.  

A Jewish marriage is a 2-stage process. It begins with a binding betrothal, known as Kiddushin (derived from the root word  Kadosh meaning Holy, ie set aside for a special purpose. The words Kiddush and Kaddish have the same origin). Kiddushin is followed by the substantive marriage or Nisuin. Traditionally these 2 ceremonies were a year apart. The couple were considered married after Kiddushin, but did not live together until after Nisuin. Nowadays it is usual for the 2 stages to happen consecutively in the same ceremony.

Although Jewish weddings usually take place in synagogue, they can be celebrated anywhere, indoors or outdoors. The ceremony is performed under a marriage canopy, the Chuppah, which is usually a specially made cloth supported by 4 corner poles, but may be simply a large tallit and may be held by four friends or relatives. The chuppah is open sided and is said to represent the home that the couple will make, open on all sides like Abraham’s tent - an indication of the hospitality they will extend. The marriage document, the Ketubah, is signed before the ceremony under the chuppah. The ketubah is a kind of prenuptial agreement, setting out both of the couple’s responsibilities to each other and the terms of any potential divorce settlement. It is usually a beautifully decorated document which is generally kept safely by the bride’s mother!

Kiddushin

During the ceremony, the bride walks seven times around the groom (in a Progressive Jewish ceremony, the bride and groom may walk around each other). B’rachot (blessings) are said over a cup (usually a silver goblet) of wine, which the couple sip. The groom places the ring (it must be pure precious metal, with no stones) on the bride’s right index finger (she’ll move it to her ring finger later) and says (in Hebrew, usually), “Behold you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel.” The ketubah is then read aloud before it is given to the groom, who immediately gives it to the bride (who later gives it to her mother for safe keeping!). This marks the end of the Kiddushin section.

Nisuin

The Nisuin ceremony involves the couple pronouncing a series of 7 b’rachot, one for wine and 6 specific blessings for marriage. While saying these blessings they hold the cup of wine and finally, again sip from it.

A glass, wrapped in cloth, is then placed on the floor and the Groom stamps on it so that it breaks. (This action is symbolic of the destruction of the Temple). On hearing the sound of broken glass all the onlookers shout, “Mazel Tov!” (Good Luck) It is said that when either a husband or wife, during their life together, breaks something the other should shout, Mazel Tov!” And thank God  “for giving me a real person in my life, not an angel; a mortal human being who is characterized by fluctuating moods, inconsistencies and flaws."

You may have noticed that in the foregoing explanation there is no mention of a rabbi (or other officiating person). A marriage is a contractual agreement between 2 people and requires no one to conduct it. However, there is likely to be a rabbi present because in the UK a marriage is also a legal arrangement that requires the oversight of a registrar and most rabbis are registrars; the rabbi is also able to confirm that all the requirements of the contract have been met according to Jewish law and custom.

The marriage ceremony will be followed by a wedding party which is essentially a non-religious social event but with kiddush before the meal and bentsching (grace) after the meal.

There will probably be dancing and the music will probably have a Jewish flavour. There is an old tradition which has become popular again recently, of dancing while carrying the bride and groom aloft on chairs. (In strictly orthodox communities, men and women will dance separately).

 

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